I pained my way through Logo’s premiere of There’s Something About Calpernia… I mean Transamerican Love Story, last night and began gouging my eyes and ears before the episode even ended.

While I’m nothing but excited that maybe Calpernia will finally get past her third date, it all just seemed overly contrived and not in a good I Love New York sort of way. I was confused as to whether the show was a call to arms for all trans people or if it was truly about Calpernia finding love. Who is Calpernia anyways, and why do I care if she does or doesn’t find love?

The most interesting part of the episode is when one of the contestants, Jim, a writer, revelaed that he was infact transgendered like Calpernia herself. I had trouble breaking down the algebraic equation of their relationship but it goes something like this:

xy + yx = xxx

Calpernia seemed put off by Jim, especially considering he is still pre-operative. I found it all to be mildly hypocritical. I’m not suggesting that Calpernia should have instantly fallen for him just because he too is transgendered, but it was interesting (and will continue to be interesting) to see how their relationship transpires.

Overall the show was just for show. A majority of the hour spent on a scene where Calpernia was a goddess and the men had to meet her every ridiculous command from feeding her fruit, pouring her champagne, and rubbing her feet. All in all it was just distasteful. Which, I find to be mildly unfortunate because I really did hope her show would be honest and filled with actual interest. It seemed like another chance for Calpernia to raise enough money to fix her cleft-palette.

All you have to do is watch the above clip, laugh your ass off, and then you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. I felt like I was watching a Lifetime Original Move.

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Logo, the new gay cable network (not to be confused with Bravo) will be debuting their new reality show called Transamerican Love Story. I’m quite tired of the cliche ‘Transamerica’ title but impressed that there will finally be a dignified approach to the gay reality-dating genre. No more gay Next, trashy Tila Tequila, or the deceitful Miriam. Unlike the now infamous British reality show There’s Something About Miriam, where contestants were tricked into thinking the tranny was a real woman, the contestants of this show will be aware of the suitors gender beforehand.

The show will feature actress Calpernia Addams who has fully transitioned into being a woman, hormones, surgery, and all. She makes me feel ashamed of calling people like Lisa Jeynes a tranny because it’s more of a compliment than it is an insult.

Addams served in the Navy under the Clinton administration where she served in the first Gulf War. There, she fell in love with a male Army private. Their forbidden love led to a gay bashing in which resulted in his murder.

“I get attention from men but a lot of times I won’t let a relationship start because I know how complicated it’s going to be… Usually on a third date or so, if it seems like it’s going to be serious, I tell him about my history. Unfortunately, they usually leave.”

:( If a dirty whore like Tequila can find love I’m sure you’ll do just fine.

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