Last night I finally sifted through the hour and half of footage that comprised The Real World Awards Bash and I haven’t been this scarred by watching something since I saw Evel Dick’s dick on the Big Brother live feeds. I think a majority of the pain was from the smarmy host Jeffery Ross who I think has to be one of the biggest dink’s on this whole planet.

I was more interested in who WASN’T there than I was with who WAS there. For instance, where was Neil from London? Or Genesis from Boston? I didn’t see Elka or Aaron. What about the legendary Irene who got smacked in the face by homo-Stephen?

Speaking of homo-Stephen, it appears that Irene was right after all! He revealed to the world at the awards bash that he’s engaged to a man and that they’re deeply in love. For years Stephen has been denying to the world that he was gay, but it looks as though he’s finally come to terms with it and is ready to tell everyone! I’ll never forget the, “You think I’m a homo!?” line he said after Irene told him a relationship between the two of them would never work, which was followed by a let-me-show-you-I’m-not-gay, cock grab and bitch slap. That’s what I do to women when they call me gay…

In other news what on earth happened to Nathan’s face?

Lastly, The Real World Austin won best season. I’m not quite sure how that happened, I’m still trying to figure it out. I guess it has to do with the new generation of people watching MTV and voting in their online polls. When I was in their target demo-graphic seasons like Miami and Boston we’re airing. Real World’s that actually had real people facing real problems. Not people who had to decide who to make out with or where to get their nails done.

The Real World XX: Hollywood is set to air on April 16th at 10pm on MTV.

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I began my foray into reality television journalism before the word ‘blog’ was even invented, or even thought of for that matter.

In 1996 I began a small reality television website dedicated to The Real World. Everything about The Real World was archived on this site stretching back to their first season and continuing on until the sites eventual demise and my eventual disinterest in the aging franchise. While I was only about 15 at the time, my website TheRealWorldWeb.com began getting more hits than I ever imagined.

Now, almost sixteen years after the first season of The Real World premiered on television MTV is gathering every cast member (or at least every living and/or willing to participate cast member) back to celebrate “The Real Worlds Award Bash: Roast ‘Em and Toast ‘Em” on MTV. They will be handing out awards in a variety of categories including: best fight, hottest male and female among countless others.

The Real World used to be my absolute favorite television show. But this was mainly because during my childhood The Real World was one of the very few reality shows airing on television. Now with their 20th (yes, 20th) season about to debut in Hollywood everything, and I mean everything, has changed. I would say anything past the Chicago season of The Real World (excluding Back To New York one of the worst seasons in my opinion) were solid shows. Everything after that was just blasphemy to the originals. It started becoming more about hot guys and girls in a house having three-ways in a hot tub and throwing things at each other than it was a show about people living together and trying to work out their differences.

I wonder if Irene McGee will be there. I can’t wait to see what her crazy, cackling, face is up to now.
The Real World Awards are set to air on April 2nd. April fools you’re not real celebrities!

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March 17th, 2008- Beth Stego-sore-ass publishes a MySpace blog announcing to the underworld that she is engaged to her now fiance Matt Ciriello.

Beth claims that Matt and her went away for Valentine’s Day and then he asked her to marry him. She couldn’t resist saying “yes” like she can’t resist saying “yes” to cheesecake. He’s probably one of the few men in this world who could actually stand being around her.

My question is if he asked you over a month ago why are you suddenly blogging about it over a month later?

Place your bets now on how long their relationship lasts!

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Coral called it quits last night on The Gauntlet III walking out on her veteran teammates leaving them in a last minute scramble to figure out who would face off against Evelyn in the gauntlet.

Coral was upset that her ‘veteran’ teammates were throwing the female challenge days in an attempts to get what they referred to as the “dead weight” from their team.

Disappointed Coral walked thwarting their plan (since Katie was saved) forcing them to make Casey go against Evelyn- which basically was like feeding her to a starving wolf.

Way to go Coral- maybe now you could look forward to your ‘retirement’ from Real World/Road Rules challenges. Don’t become a Beth Stegosaurus.

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Break out the spiral notebook Beth, it’s time for her Gauntlet III in review.

Last week Beth Stegosaurus, aged 65 million years old, who’s petrified remains live on to compete endlessly on MTV’s series of Real World/Road Rules challenges, wrote her own personal recap of the episodes events. Including (but not limited to) logged minutes of shots featuring none other than herself.

Today is no different, here are some of the more exciting tidbits from her bold faced MySpace blog…

“Do you need camera time to extend your reality 15 minutes? It’s easy; follow Rule 1… make some negative comment about Beth. No need to worry if anywhere else it would be ageist, sexist or racist… on a challenge it’s all fair game.”

Oh, Stegosaurus… You’re no saint yourself, perhaps before you begin criticizing others for being harsh, you took a long (but not too long) and deep (but not too deep) look into the mirror. Poor mirror.

She then goes on a five paragraph whine about how unfair Wednesday nights mission was, followed by, “Don’t get me wrong. No sour grapes in my corner.”

Your grapes have long since soured Stego, I think you’ve got a whole barrel of wine over there!

Last week Stego attack Nehemiah and his defenseless girlfriend in her blog, this weeks target… Danny.

“Danny talks trash about everyone and tonight it’s my turn: “Beth is going to go blind in 20 years, so she might as well get used to it.” Wow, that takes wit…for a 5th grader! Danny, I like you– and like you and Melinda together even more, but if you are going to trash talk, please at least be funny! Successful humor contains an essential element of truth. This one falls flat on its face. Does anyone ever see one in 10,000 people that age being blind?”

I’m SO confused. I laughed when Danny said that, maybe that’s because I’m a fifth grader… But come on Beth you must be blind! Maybe not in a literal sense, but blind in a figurative sense. If you’ve managed to now be on seven different seasons of Real World/Road Rules related shows and not withdrawn your Stego face from my television screen you’ve GOT to be blind!

“A few years ago, it was “Evil Beth,” then it became “Fat Beth” (I weight the same now as I did then, and my dress size is a 6), and now Danny thinks I’m apparently ready for a rocking chair and social security. Evan and Kenny do a little show and compare me to a dog. As if some of these guys should be trashing anyone’s looks?”

Dress size 6? And you’re what 23 years old?

Round it out with a nice threatening comment and we’re almost done:

“Such cowards some of these people seem to be. At the same time I find it necessary to CACKLE because I’ve been called every name in the book. Make fun of me because I’m “old,” Danny; the truth is that if this were a duel format, I might be picking to go home someone you know over a decade younger than me. Shall we laugh about that?”

Finally…

“Nothing these guys say is going to affect me. I’ve been around the block, and if I’m not bothered when I’m called fat or old, then I can handle everything else… “

You’ve definitely been around the block a couple times, you can say that again!

“Nothing these guys say is going to affect me. I’ve been around the block, and if I’m not bothered when I’m called fat or old, then I can handle everything else… “

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[She’s on the right]

Beth S. has been around longer than the dinosaurs and when the world ends it’ll be just her and the cockroaches.

On Wednesday’s episode of The Gauntlet XIIXMC the 38 year-old was put in her place by Nehemiah after she insinuated on The Duel that the two had sexual relations. I’m not sure how one has POSITIVE sexual relations with a mongoloid, but none the less…

Then to top it all off, today she posted a MySpace blog clearing her name.

“Wednesday’s episode shows footage of him jumping on me and tickling me during The Duel. If he is not happy today with what happened then, he has no right to blame it on me. He needs to take responsibility for his actions. Just own it, Nehemiah.”

I suppose there’s something to be said by this, however; there’s a difference between tickling someone and tickling someone’s… I just won’t go there.

Then she attacks Nehemiah’s girlfriend:

“I wish he had recognized that he didn’t need validation from losers to feel accepted. He also told me his girlfriend was angry. My boyfriend laughed about it, because he knows me outside of television and is confident that I would never cheat on him. I’m sorry Tenderoni’s girlfriend seems so insecure that this was driving her crazy…SO SAD… and unnecessary… Sadly, I would never, on purpose, have done anything to hurt Tenderoni because I liked him and respected him… He has some growing up to do. I could say that he should try dating a more secure woman…”

Then she breaks down a particular scene (even down the freakin’ minute):

“One final thought about the edit on of the second episode, I rarely compliment production, but this time I simply must say “thanks” and “well done!” At the beginning of the second half hour (31 minutes) – People partying by the pool – the editors cut to very short clip of Nehemiah and me walking side-by-side on the patio by the potted palm trees. We are talking and laughing… Was production calling him out for the shallowness of his earlier rant about me? What other possible purpose could they have had for including it? Production, mark this day on your calendar of significant events… Beth says thanks!”

I can picture her pathetic-ness at home, in front of the television, with her spiral notebook where she writes down every shot she manages to stick her aged face in, with the time and location so that she can continually add to her demo reel with all hopes that one day she’d become a legitimate actress.

Keep up the dreaming though Beth.

Puke.

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Mike “The Miz” Mizanin from The Real World: Back To New York, who went from obscure reality star to even more obscure wrestler now has his own line of action figures…

While the plastic doll itself may not be life size, I’m sure it has approximately the same IQ as Mike “The Miz” himself.

Granted the doll has been designed because he’s a wrestler I would love to see a line of reality television action figures…

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It took place months ago but thanks to the cosmos (aka. editors) we didn’t get to see the events until days ago. The odd part of watching reality television is knowing that, though the show has ended ages ago, people close to those that participated don’t get to see what transpired until we do.

This was the case for this weeks episode of The Real World where we got to see a sexually tormented Dunbar, who has been tempted by Ashli for weeks now, finally take a bite of the salmon apple. In an e-mail Ashli wrote to a friend, she stated that, “We had sex.” Then in a phone call to his girlfriend Dunbar confessed that he did something bad but wouldn’t tell her what it was. Now the secrets out and the whole wide world knows.

According to Dunbar’s MySpace his girlfriend Julie is still his #1 friend and his relationship status is set to: In A Relationship. From this I can only conclude that, even after viewing her boyfriends blatant cheating ways, she has decided to remain in a relationship with him.

This comes after what appears to be a common 2007 reality television show trend that has ordinary citizen cheating on their significant others on national television. Should I dare mention Daniele Donato from this past season of Big Brother who cheated on her boyfriend on national television after convincing him to break off an engagement for her. Or even America’s Player, Eric who made out with Jessica despite being linked, romantically, to another girl outside the Big Brother house.

Hey, to eat their own. Er… To each their own.

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Trisha, despite her vapidness, apologized to Parisa via a MySpace blog (because apparently classic forms of apologies escape her pea-sized brain) for her blatant disregard for human respect.

One thing to note, however; in that the said apology blog she was just apologizing for her actions when telling her dad on that phone, after shoving Parisa, “I just pushed a fat girl.” There was nothing regarding her obvious religious superiority comments in which she told Parisa she had a “better religion” than her, which I find to be much more insulting than making fun of someone for their weight. I guess to someone as self-absorbed and unintelligent as Trisha she would naturally default to assuming someone would be more hurt over insulting comments based on physical appearance rather than true insults towards someone’s religion.

She also blamed her foul and disgusting behavior on, guess what, the editing! Last time I checked Bunim-Murray doesn’t have the technological resources or special effects division to insert words like “I have a better religion” into your mouth. Nor, do I think, they would waste their time.

Here’s an excerpt from her blog:

“If anyone can honestly tell me that they haven’t said something they don’t mean out of anger, then I look up to you for having that strong of self control. However, I can assume that most people reading this blog have been so upset at one point in their lives to where they’ve said something horrible and distasteful, and that’s what I am apologizing for tonight…”

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