I didn’t think pigeons could use fake tanner.

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Well for starters they wouldn’t be able to get married…

…or at least that’s what Tila Tequila is saying.

Tila Tequila is quoted as saying to UsWeekly, “It is because of me — I definitely think [A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila] has helped the movement… Before [A Shot of Love] came out, everyone was still a little apprehensive about [same sex relationships]… Then they realized, ‘Wow, everyone is really into this stuff, and it is fine.’ The next thing you know, [gay marriage] is legal.”

I’m pretty sure of the following:

• Anyone watching A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila doesn’t work in any major branch of the US Government, particularly in California and/or even knows of the shows existence. While I don’t have proof of this I’d pretty much bet my dead grandfathers life on it.
• If for some reason the above is true and an influential politician does watch A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila, then I’m sure it would have only furthered the cause to keep gay marriage banned for a long, long time.

I mean come on lets face Tila Tequila does as much for gay rights as my blog does for journalism… which, is pretty much nothing. I also have come to find out that Tila Tequila is writing a “self-help” book… She doesn’t even know what gender she likes and she’s going to be offering YOU advice!? Apparently she’s doing what every person looking for self-discovery and a chance to make a bit more cash does… she’s going to Africa. She’s even gone as far as saying she’d now like to get married in California and that, “…maybe I will fall in love in Africa.”

Plus, just because gay marriage is legal doesn’t mean you can marry animals. So until you can marry a pigeon Tila’s pretty S.O.L.

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A Shot At Love 2 debuted Tuesday night and I horrifically watched the entire thing. I always wonder why these people want to date a MySpace tramp so badly. What do they see in her pigeon face that I’m just not getting? Are slutty women hot these days? One of the guys said seeing Tila was like “seeing Jesus”. Tila also reassured us that she was “still bisexual”, phew, praise Jesus, these past few months I’ve done nothing but worry that Tila had lost her bisexuality. I keep mine under my couch.
Initially Tila had the men and women separate into cages where they were to show her why they deserved to enter the ‘mansion’ first. Which basically meant ‘lets see who can strip their clothes the fastest’. It wasn’t long after the girls were let in that Tila started making out with them. In just under a couple of hours between the boys and girls entering the house Tila had made out with more people than I have fingers and toes proving that along with still being bisexual she’s still a whore too!

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In case the first season wasn’t enough to make you hate bisexuals for the rest of your life, Tila Tequila and MTV are back for a second season to further prove the stereotype that bisexuals can’t make up their freakin’ minds.

Tila is back tonight for her second shot at love since her first choice Bobby just wasn’t good enough to fit into her ‘busy’ schedule and by busy schedule I’m assuming she means she doesn’t have enough time to stop clicking ‘Add Me’ on MySpace to cuddle up with Bobby to watch a movie.

If you feel the need to watch A Shot At Love 2 tune in to MTV tonight. The only shot I’m going to need after watching the premiere is going to be a syphilis vaccination.

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No. No I’m not. Ok, I am. A little bit. Just a little bit. Ok, a lotta bit. But I still think you’re a skank-whore Tila.

We finally get to see the first glimpses into Tila Tequila being “classy” as she brings another set of imbeciles into ‘her’ mansion to fight for her ‘love’. And when I say fight, I mean FIGHT. It appears that MTV is still intentionally putting contestants directly into the line of fire all for our selfish amusement. How many people can Tila make out with while still claiming to be looking for love. Is she serious or is she just horny? I’m going to go with horny.

In other news, if you’re looking for some cheap thrills you can now buy the first season of Tila Tequila’s: A Shot At Love and it’s supposedly completely uncensored. I’m curious if this means it’s like FOX Reality Paradise Hotel 2 uncensored or if it’s REALLY, ACTUALLY, uncensored.

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The pigeon is back!

Tila Tequila will be returning to our television sets on April 22 for her second shot at dissing someone after she’s chosen them. The season finale of her first show was the highest rated show on MTV since 2005. Even though it was all for show. Shortly after the show wrapped filming Tila called Bobby (the ‘winner’ of the show) just to tell him she didn’t want to see him ever again. Wow, you’re one classy lady Tila!

Tila Tequila will attempt to set back the gay and women’s rights movements one more time as she invites 15 straight men and 15 ‘lesbians’ back into her fake house to compete for her fake heart for a few fake weeks.

Oh, America.

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Tila Tequila has a new album out, and to highlight her brilliance I have included the lyrics to her song I Love U. Oh, Tila, you’re so amazing. Here’s her in all her poetic genius:

You know…I just wanna let you know…that I never felt this way about anybody else…I…I…I think I love you…so don’t think I’m crazy when I tell you this…but if you ever hurt me, I’ll fucking kill you!

Chorus:
You better go down when you get with me
You better realize that I’m what you need
You better get here before I count to 3
You better do Right I’ll fuck you up!!

You never thought, that a bitch like me, would fuck you up
If you cannot please so you betta bow down and get on your knees, pull the diamonds out, gimme what I need.

Hold up! Do you see me laughing? You think that it’s a joke Imma start harassing, all your little hoes that be trying to pass here, you better tell them imma kick they ass in!

WHAT! Who are you talking to? You better hang up or I’m through with you! And who the fuck is this bitch on your page, with her big ass tits up on your top 8?

Cuz I’m the crazy bitch that’s runnin’ tha game
Cuz I’m the crazy bitch that’s callin ya name
Cuz I’m the crazy bitch I ain’t got no shame
I will Fuck you up!!

Chorus:
You better go down when you get with me
You better realize that I’m what you need
You better get here before I count to 3
You better do Right I’ll fuck you up!

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Bobby Banhart, the loser of Tila Tequila’s: A Shot At Love, admits now that before he appeared on her show he had no idea who she was and that once he arrived for filming they were denied access to the internet so he couldn’t even look her up to find out exactly what a skank-whore-slut-pigeon-face she really was/is!

Bobby said:

“I never even heard of Tila Tequila. I had no idea who she was, I didn’t know any thing about her. She was just another girl to me… Of course I found out some pretty interesting things. After I found out who she was, I was kind of shocked… I never would want to take my career in [the] direction [that Tila has]. She definitely opened my eyes.”

Good for you Bobby for being a decent, normal, person who isn’t willing to be a total tramp for the sake of popularity (ie. Tila Tequila).

Tila blamed their break-up on Bobby saying he wasn’t prepared for living the same type of lifestyle that she was, citing:

“She recently said on Extra that I ‘couldn’t handle the cameras.’ That’s funny, because I’ve been an actor for a long time. I just got the lead in an independent flint. Plus, we didn’t film the show with paper towels. So why she would say that is beyond me.”

Tequila has also been vocal about the mosquito bites growing on her chest, using them as reasons why her boyfriends/girlfriends, should stay with her:

“She said. ‘Who would want to leave these boobs?’ To me, relationships aren’t just about boobs. It’s not about how good you look. It’s how someone makes you feel. To hear her say that was a turn-off”

I apologize to every bisexual in the world, seeing as though you have people like Tila Tequila destroying your image and buying into every stereotype.

Filthy whore!

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Vanessa, the crazy from Tila Tequila’s A Shot At Love, finally found herself a classy new gig.

Vanessa will now be appearing as a TANC girl. TANC, in case you’re wondering, stands for The Adult News Channel. Apparently Vanessa is hoping this will somehow make her more famous than she already isn’t.

The channel owner Joe Brandi had this to say about crazy-ass Vanessa joining their gig:

“Vanessa will be a major part in the success of not only TANC Radio, but the entire company. She will be the first ever TANC Girl and will be present at all events, shows and parties. She’s a smart and sexy girl who brings alot to the table… She’s not planning on just being a reality TV star and this will give her the opportunity to advance her careeer even further.”

::Cough:: Excuse me classy news network but ‘alot’ is two words and ‘careeer’ only has two e’s. Ask Vanessa she should know that!

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Bobby Banhart who lost this past season of A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila actually won after all… during Tila Tequila’s MTV New Years Eve masquerade ball she announced that Banhart broke up with her because:

“He couldn’t handle it…”

Couldn’t handle it? It being your face or your sexuality… I’m confused. I mean you’re confused. I mean you’re bisexual. I mean I’m confused. I mean you’re a whore.

According to a MySpace bulletin posted by Bobby himself, he said:

“She never called me after the last show and no one would give me her number so pretty much I feel like an ass but we are not 2gather. U can’t have a relationship bye urself yknow.”

Actually… I’m pretty sure you could have a relationship by yourself.

Tila Tequila had a different explanation saying:

“I wasn’t expecting it at all because I thought I had finally found someone that I was compatible with, but I guess I was wrong. My hectic schedule was really hard on him and we both were getting frustrated, but at the same time… I just wanted to find someone who would understand what a crazy lifestyle I have so it’s too bad that things didn’t work out between us. With that said I just want to make it known that I still think Bobby is a great guy and I wish him the best.”

Doubt it.

Well the skank is back, surprise, surprise. But I think we knew this was going to happen awhile ago. Contrary to Perez Hilton’s GROUND BREAKING EXCLUSIVE news that her show would NOT be coming back for a second season.

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