2007 brought us many reality television memories, and we here at Buzz[Killed] are going to take a moment to look back at all the wonderful reality moments (and not so wonderful reality moments) of 2007.

1. Big Brother: What a brotherly year it’s been. The American version saw, for the second time in it’s history, someone win who actually played the game (no more Maggie-Maggot). His victory wasn’t without it’s fair share of controversy. Evel Dick managed to be a homophobic, anti-religious, chauvinistic, pig on Big Brother and yet, still, somehow managed to go on and win the whole damn thing, and for that he gets an ‘07 toast. In the United Kingdom we were greeted with such house guests as Charley Uchena, the nastiest bitch in the world. Chanelle Hayes and Ziggy Lichman who brought us tons of celebrity gossip with their on-again, off-again in house (and out of house) romance and fellow contestant Emily Parr who was removed from the house after she called Charley a “nigger”. Earlier this year during the celebrity version two house mates (Jade Goody and Danielle Lloyd) were accused of racist bullying towards Shilpa Shetty the Bollywood actress also participating in the program. Their actions drew over 40,000 viewer complaints and caused the collapse of the British Big Brother franchise. Meanwhile; the African version of the show also drew red flags when one contestant, Richard, was accused of raping two female house guests in a drunken stupor in what now is being dubbed ‘the most scandalous day in Big Brother history‘. For all the iced-tea pouring, banana fighting, Charley scowling, Chanelle stomping, Richard raping, Lesley sobbing, flat out racism, we give the Big Brother franchise the top nod of the year.
2. Kid Nation: If there was one thing I looked forward to every week it was the ‘What I Learned From Kid Nation…‘ blog I got to write after each episode. Controversy arose before the show even aired with people accusing the production team of child abuse. The allegations claimed a certain girl (whom later we learned was Divad, the most pathetic of them all) was injured after being splashed in the face with cooking oil and another kid was injured after drinking bleach. When the standard release form was leaked to the press it wasn’t without public outcry over some of the clauses within the contract. For the countless hours I spent making fun of children, I HAVE to give one giant sideways ‘07 nod to Kid Nation. Here are some of my personal favorite things I learned from Kid Nation…

1. Ginger kids, despite the fact I spent 8 weeks believing they have feelings, actually have no feelings at all.
2. It’s okay to call children cunts.
3. Taylor is a total cunt!
4. I’m slowly becoming a pedophile.
5. Divad has finally given up on getting a gold star. Just like she’ll give up going to community college, her marriage and eventually her children. Fortunately her experience slicing, spicing and cooking potatoes will pay off in her lifetime career at KFC.
6. I didn’t really learn that ugly things deserve to die… only because this is a fundamental rule of thought. I’ve known this all my life. However; it was nice to see the youngins of today implementing those ideas and philosophies into their modern day Bonanza City.
7. Alex was surprised when he won the gold star. Alex learned he was surprised later when studying his daily printout of various chemical fluctuations in his host body.
8. Alex declared the gold star to be a paradox, describing a paradox as something that, “…is, but isn’t at the same time.” He then pointed to Markelle.
9. Albino children have as much personality as they have pigment to their skin.
10. Upbeat and optimistic black children are always motivated by greed and popularity.
3. The Bachelor: When I wrote my initial post about The Bachelor, Brad Womack not picking either of the girls he brought to the final two I had no idea the amount of traffic my site was about to get. Every single, estrogen-filled, woman in the world tuned in and signed on to to comment on The Bachelor’s decision. I had no idea anybody even watched The Bachelor anymore, if I had known this I would have started blogging about this douche a long time ago. For fulfilling the typical non-committal role of the male, Brad you get a BuzzKilled ‘07 nod.
4. I Love New York 2: The head-bitch in-charge is back.Well, was back, but now she’s gone again. And let me tell you I loved every damn second of it. In the end she picked Tailor Made over the fame-hungry Buddha who managed to weasel his way back on the show after he punched, elbowed and head-butted a fellow cast member in the face. Then there was the unforgettable moment when Tailor Made spit in Mr. Wise’s face, and of course everyone’s favorite reality show midget. How can you say no to a show with drama, fighting and a midget? You simply can’t. And for that, we give a nod to I Love New York 2.
5. Rock of Love: ‘Tis the season for dating shows I guess. Four out of the seven shows on our list are dating shows, perhaps it’s because they supply us with the most amount of drama. Rock of Love was the unexpected reality hit of the year, making it the second most watched show in Vh1’s history. How could we simply ignore a fun fact like that? If tuning in each week to see Heather’s hair style wasn’t enough there was enough drama, fights, tits, and ass for the whole family to enjoy! In the end Bret chose Jes, but Jes chose fame over Bret. At the reunion show Jes insisted that Bret picked the wrong girl, and in an interview Jes stated she only went on the show to “promote herself” and that she had no idea who Bret was or ever heard a single song of his. For all the fake people they find to supply us with drama on reality dating shows Rock of Love gets one giant bulge of a nod.
6. Dog The Bounty Hunter: At the end of November, Duane Chapman’s son recorded a phone conversation he had with his dad over his African-American girlfriend in which his father was heard over and over again referring to her as a “nigger”. His son then sold the tape to the National Enquirer. Two days later A&E dropped his show and Chapman was left scrounging for forgiveness. Most recently he donated $26,000 worth of gifts to underprivileged black children, as if that was suddenly going to erase everything he said. You can’t buy forgiveness that easily, well… unless it’s Divad.
7. Tila Tequila: You’re a whore. You have a pigeon face. You’re not classier than New York. You’re confused. You’re not bisexual. Your lines are scripted. Oh, and you’re a whore. But for being so many things I hate, I’m forced to love you. Congratulations on spreading your diseases amongst 32 unsuspecting cast members. For that you get the final ‘07 nod.

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1. The job board, essentially just a list, seemed to be the only thing keeping the town together. Once it burnt down in the first ever unnatural disaster in Bonanza City, chaos ensued. Perhaps we should just build a job board for the Middle East, after all it would restore the mayhem and give everyone a meaningful job.
2. After witnessing the devastation brought on by the now legendary Bonanza City riots, I learned the same lesson I learned while watching coverage of Hurricane Katrina, kids LOOOVE candy.
3. Emilie had to learn the hard way that no fatties are allowed in the skinny girl bunk. No matter how hard you try to fight your way into friendship, the popular girls still don’t like the fat ones.
4. Taylor has a future in girl on girl fighting. Or girl on girl action. Or saving chickens, but just brown ones.
5. Just remember Emilie what happens at a chicken sleepover, stays at a chicken sleepover. Oh, I’m sorry to get your hopes up Emilie there won’t actually be chicken there.
6. Taylor decided that even though Emilie couldn’t stay in their bunk for the night she would let the chickens sleep with them. I knew that after 40 days in Bonanza City Taylor would finally get some cock in her bunk.
7. The kids reached an all time high at the end of the episode. A high they will never reach again despite their marijuana use, addiction to meth and journey into prostitution. Let me save you some time and just tell you it’s never as good as the first time.
8. I finally learned the twist of the season, Jared is actually a 40 year old man.
9. Divad’s final attempt at the gold star came in the form of a lawsuit that her and her mother participated in along with the New Mexico district attorney’s office, claiming injury after being burned in the face with grease while cooking. Some kids just never stop trying.
10. Apparently Migle, who I assumed was a new addition to the show, had been living in Bonanza city for the full 40 days along with Pharaoh, Randi, Brett, Eric, Cody, Jasmine, Natasha, Gianna, Campbell, Colton and all the other memorable kids I spent every Wednesday with.
11. Migle’s Soviet parents were as proud as Soviet parents could get when she won the $50,000 gold star during the final town council. After years of intense gymnastics training, house work, sexual enslavement, they learned that all they had to do was invest their child in some good ‘ole fashioned CBS reality entertainment.
12. My Wednesday nights are free now if you want to hang out.

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1. I’ve had suspicion of Alex being a robot for a couple weeks now, last night gave further evidence. I think I finally located the switch… [see picture above]
2. No set is complete without a Tee-Pee and hired Native American actors to dance around in circles, clicking their heels. Native American actors can offer us all a bit of wisdom, no matter what our age. To anyone under 15 they talk of investing in our future. To anyone over 15, they just smoke peyote and have illusions of wolves howling in the moon.
3. Contrary to popular belief (ie. Greg) Indians don’t live in igloos they actually still live in Tee-Pee’s, smoking and dancing, and refusing to believe the world (but less than a mile away in Bonanza) exists beyond their skinned leather walls (or flaps).
4. I learned that if I ever need something carbon dated, I will not go to Bonanza City since they have no carbon dating process.
5. I learned that Anjay has found the one and only place where he will ever be accepted as a valued member of society.
6. I learned from Zach that watching people cry about their feelings is almost as funny as watching them being lied to about their feelings.
7. I am beginning to suspect that Bonanza City and the journal may be a complete fabrication. But who would do such a thing? Lie to little children?
8. Jared needs to have his own reality show where girls ages 9-16 fight for his witty affection. After an intense over night date he, when left sore, in bed, smoking a cigarette could roll over and say, “Pelvis has left the building, it’s a bad joke I know.”
9. Alex was surprised when he won the gold star. Alex learned he was surprised later when studying his daily printout of various chemical fluctuations in his host body.
10. Alex declared the gold star to be a paradox, describing a paradox as something that, “…is, but isn’t at the same time.” He then pointed to Markelle.
11. I learned that next week when the show is over my life will return to normal and I’ll have to go back to picking on someone my own size. Calista Flockhart watch out!

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::The following post has been truncated due to the writers strike::

1. You have to compromise. Compromise is everything in Bonanza City. Taylor didn’t want to kill the chickens, so as a compromise Taylor was allowed to pick the chickens to be killed. However; a racist prank resulted in Taylor accidentally choosing Divad.
2. I didn’t really learn that ugly things deserve to die… only because this is a fundamental rule of thought. I’ve known this all my life. However; it was nice to see the youngins of today implementing those ideas and philosophies into their modern day Bonanza City.
3. Alex’s human facade continues to wane after he quickly corrected Anjay for inverting the 9 and 2 after the 3.1415 in Pi. Also, was it just me or did anyone else notice the wires hanging out of his ears.
4. Women have no place in public office. Meanwhile Taylor is having a blast doing the dishes.
5. Hunter loves his parents and his dad lost his job.
6. Arcades and Dance Dance Revolution could still be a source of entertainment so long as it’s location has no other sources of entertainment.
7. Asians, by far, make the best DDR players.
8. Who are Taylor’s parents? Where does she come from? Was she raised by a pack of wolves?
9. Native Americans had the resources to build libraries despite the fact that the printing press had yet to be invented.
10. According to Taylor “makeup can make ugly people pretty but it can’t help an animal”. Apparently she’s never met Lisa Jeynes. Then again that might not be a fair assessment to make since Lisa Jeynes is more animal, less human.
11. Jared quizzed Alex and Anjay on whether or not Earth had ever been visited by extraterrestrial life. The answer was true. At the conclusion of the episode Hunter got to phone home.
12. Markelle is a boy! Sort of…

Spoiler: Sweeps news! On an upcoming episode of Kid Nation a tornado threatens the lives of everyone in Bonanza city. Meanwhile, Sophia, having foreseen the future in which 93% of Bonanza City is killed by the tornado, struggles against a villain set to reveal themselves in an upcoming episode. Hint: It’s a ginger. Also one of Bonanza cities denizens becomes pregnant. Hint: She is a little version of our current president.

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For the past couple weeks I’ve been distraught as to the gender of Markelle on CBS’s Kid Nation. I’ve questioned his gender from the beginning and thought he could be a he/she kid placed in Bonanza City simply to fulfill their diversity clause.

Turns out some alert readers did the research for me.

Markelle, IS actually a boy. And his last name IS actually Gay. What a cruel, cruel, joke.
Oh, the irony!

[Photosource]

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1. All forms of government will always come back to being run by all males.
2. Fat girls love cake. Savannah (pictured above) during this weeks reward challenge couldn’t stop eating the cakes they needed to use to win.
3. Pony’s make Savannah juice.
4. Markelle spoke out during their communication exercise, and I’m STILL confused as to whether or not it’s a boy or a girl. I thought I saw mosquito bites but he may also be suffering from a slight case of gynecomastia.
5. If the show is for children then I suggest the host stop teaching kids to misuse their words. During every town hall meeting the pervy host says, “This two pound gold star is worth it’s weight in gold… literally. It’s worth $20,000.” It’s not literally worth two pounds unless it’s worth, well, two pounds. Since we’re not in England I’m going to have to assume that you just have no idea what you’re talking about.
6. Alex has one center tooth.
7. I miss Jimmy.
8. Kennedy may be suffering from a mild-case of retardation.
9. Natasha is a worthless. Despite the fact they’ve been living in Bonanza City for over 30 days she still hasn’t managed to style her hair out of her right eye. Unless, of course, she’s missing her right eye- which would explain why her hair doubles as an eye patch. It’s not sexy.
10. It’s nearly impossible for me to write jokes about Kid Nation anymore since all my writers have been on strike for nearly two weeks.
11. Who the hell is Maggie?
12. Better yet, who is this… I don’t think I’ve seen her in a single shot.