I dared to tune in to last nights premiere of I Know My Kid’s A Star on Vh1 and it was well worth it if not for the first five minutes alone.

When the children arrived to the mansion they were greeted by the king ginger of them all - Danny Bonaduce. Upon seeing Danny Bonaduce, and hearing him speak, it appeared to be more than one of the children could handle. She quickly covered her mouth, turned around, and started puking in the bushes behind her.

To be honest I can’t really blame her, I’d probably do the same thing if I had to look at Danny Bonaduce. I did feel a little puke dribble down my chin.

While watching the premiere I was left wondering: Is this the best you got? Of all the children in the world you find these kids? A tap dancer? An ambiguously gendered ballroom dancer? Then there was some other tramp who’s mom’s name is Rocky… I’m not quite sure what her daughter does besides take continual abuse from her horrible stage mother. She can’t sing. She can’t act. She flipped off the camera in the first five minutes and when looking strangely at her mother Rocky, her mother said, “What is my tampon hanging out?”

The show border-lined on child exploitation, permitting these kids to be used as monkey’s by both the show and their parents so that their parents could end up with better lives. It’s all quite sad and extremely pathetic.

One mother has invested over $35,000 of her child’s lame acting career and even quit her job to help her tweener daughter achieve her dreams. If I’m sounding especially harsh on these children- they better get used to it if they want to really be apart of the entertainment industry. Not to mention that it’s mostly the parents that are trying to live vicariously through their children.

In the end it was the tap dancing fool and his ill-prepared father who were sent packing despite the fact that Rocky and her daughter failed to impress anybody during the talent show. When Rocky’s daughter (to me she might as well be nameless since it’s mainly about her mother) took the stage she couldn’t remember a single melody let alone word to the song she was singing and Rocky practically had to get on stage and sing it for her.

I must admit I did watch the entire thing, which is more than I can say about some shows. I’ll probably keep watching, if for no other reasons to see Rocky slowly self-destruct.

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If anyone should know what happens to child stars when they grow up it SHOULD be Danny Bonaduce. Despite his familiarity with the subject Danny Bonaduce’s Vh1 reality series, I Know My Kid’s A Star premieres tonight.

The series will follow a number of parent/children duo’s as they attempt to break into show business. We all know how crazy the parent’s of would-be child actors are so I imagine we’re going to be in for a fun one.

The winner of I Know My Kid’s A Star will recieve $50,000 and a chance to be represented as an ‘actor’ by talent agent Marki Costello.

Bonaduce had these ecouraging words about the children and parents participating in his upcoming series:

“I don’t want to be cruel but some of these kids don’t have talent… Some of the parents watch them as if they’d performed brain surgery. But some of these kids perform like they’re at a sixth grade dance.”

I’m glad that kids have been brought back to television for another round of bashing, I’ll never forget the kids that were subject to their parents continual abuse on Bravo’s Showbiz Mom’s and Dad’s a couple years ago.

[USA Today: Stage parents will get a dose of reality from Bonaduce]

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